33 things I've learned

I turned 33 this week. I know, I'm old.  I prefer "experienced" or "wise". So I decided to compile some of the "wisdom" I've gained over the years.  It was a short list, but an important one.  Much of it has come since becoming a mother.  You just see the world differently when you're responsible for someone other than yourself.  

So, here we go. 33 things I've learned:

1. God loves us.  We don't deserve it and we could never earn it, but His love is there just the same.

2. Love always wins, even in the darkest moments.  

3. Kids' laughter is the best sound in the world.  

4. Fair is not equal. 

5. Someone out there would be happy with much less than you have.  

6. The public library is a remarkable resource.  Use it.  

7. Lower your expectations.  Sometimes just keeping yourself and your family alive is enough.  

8. The world can be a scary place.  Bad things will happen. Be brave.  

9. Sometimes a walk around Target with a Starbucks drink and no kids is all you need to feel like yourself again.  

10. Cloth diapering isn't that hard or gross. 

11. Minivans are a necessary evil.  Just go with it.  

12. Invest in a good diaper bag and decent bras.

13. Look people in the eye when you speak to them.  When someone is speaking to you, do the same.

14. Drink more water.

15. Read.  

16. Turn off the technology for a little while each day.

17. You cannot do it all by yourself.  This is not a sign of weakness or defect in your character, it is just a fact.

18. Education is never a bad investment, no matter what your bank account says.

19. People judge you far less than you think they do.  

20. Give grace, even when you don't want to.

21. Sometimes all you can do is plan for the worst and hope for the best.  

22. "The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice." --Peggy O'Mara

23. The most growth happens outside your comfort zone.

24. Don't only hang out with people who agree with you.  It's important to interact with people who have differing opinions.

25. Travel as much as possible.  There's a big wide world out there.  

26.  You do not know what people's lives are like behind closed doors.  Be kind and gentle.

27. There's not a lot you can control in this world except how you react to things.  

28. There is beauty everywhere.

29. Spend some time each day in prayer/meditation/Bible study.  

30. When everything feels like it's falling apart, start counting your blessings.  

31. Eat more vegetables.

32. Do not measure your worth in things.  

33. Marry someone who makes you laugh.  

And one more for good luck:

34. Love is a daily choice.

What wisdom would go on your list?

A Beautiful Mess

This year's MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) theme is "A Beautiful Mess".  I am on the Bureau County MOPS steering team this year as the publicity chair, which means I've been out and about sharing the MOPS message and theme with lots of ladies in the past few weeks in preparation for our first meeting of the 2013-2014 year, which was held Tuesday night.  

The theme has been very well received. Most of us moms have been waiting to hear this simple truth: our mess is beautiful, because Jesus loves us and has plans for us. He is using our mess to refine us into the moms He wants us to be.  In fact, this year's Bible verse mirrors this message:

  (Image taken from pambooher.com)

Anyone else needing to hear this lately?  

My proudest moment from our meeting on Tuesday was showing an iMovie we created of our "beautiful" messes. Each member of the steering committee submitted pictures of real messes of her house and kids. 

Beautiful Mess (2) from Christina Krost on Vimeo.

It is our goal this year to inspire our MOPS moms to live transparently and to give each other grace and encouragement.  And we do that by being real and honest. None of us ever really has it all together, no matter how much we try to make it look like we do.  We all struggle with something, though our struggles may differ. Having a support system of other moms can make those struggles easier, or at least less isolating.

I encourage any mom who has kids from birth through end-of-kindergarten to find a MOPS group.  Go to MOPS.org to find a group near you!

Building Cathedrals

Have you seen this piece?

http://www.justbetweenus.org/the-invisible-mother

It's about the sacrifices we make for motherhood and how we can sometimes feel invisible to the husbands and children we serve every. waking. moment.  

Here's my favorite part:

   ...In the book, there was the legend of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built. He saw a worker carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.” And the worker replied, “Because God sees.”
   After reading that, I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.
   “No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no last minute errand is too small for Me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become. But I see.”
   When I choose to view myself as a great builder—instead of Invisible Mom—I keep the right perspective. 

I really needed to hear that message today.  After a summer of chasing children and feeling like what I do day in and day out doesn't matter to anyone, I am reminded that it matters to God.  And though I long to see some evidence that my children are learning the lessons I try to teach them, like a cathedral builder, I may never see the fruits of my labor here on earth.

Back to school time is especially hard for me, as I am longing to be on the other side of the classroom door.  But I am reminded that God, my husband, and my children need me here for now.  I will get back to teaching, but not quite yet.  

Keep building cathedrals, moms (and dads, too!).  God sees.

Small Voice

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19:11-13 NIV)

The following are not my words.  They are Glennon Melton's from Momastery.  I believe I've posted this before, but it bears posting again as a new school year begins here in Illinois next week.  Isn't this what we all really want for our kids?  Not just reading, writing, and 'rithmetic, but character education as well. The strength to listen to the still, small voice--God's voice--guiding us through our day.  The understanding that if one of us is hurting, we all hurt.  That we belong to each other.  

Read this to your son or daughter.  Feel free to change the names/grades to suit your family.  And send your child to school next Monday with more than just school supplies--send him/her with compassion and a heart for God.

********************************************* 

Dear Chase,
Hey, baby.
Tomorrow is a big day. Third grade – wow.

Chase – When I was in third grade, there was a little boy in my class named Adam.
Adam looked a little different and he wore funny clothes and sometimes he even smelled a little bit. Adam didn’t smile. He hung his head low and he never looked at anyone at all. Adam never did his homework. I don’t think his parents reminded him like yours do. The other kids teased Adam a lot. Whenever they did, his head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased him, but I never told the other kids to stop, either.

And I never talked to Adam, not once. I never invited him to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, he sat and played by himself. He must have been very lonely.
I still think about Adam every day. I wonder if Adam remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked him to play, just once, he’d still remember me.
I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.

So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one.
Baby, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a part of your heart will hurt a little. Your daddy and I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, we want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Chase! Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help! Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you.

Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away.
Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.

Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’s team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together.

When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Adam. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Adam could have used a friend and I could have, too.

Chase – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if the girls think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most Pokemon cards or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.

We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.

We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.
Kind people are brave people. Brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.

Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important.
Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.
Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.

Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky boy . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year.
I love you so much that my heart might explode.

Enjoy and cherish your gifts.
And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time.
Love,
Mama

Fasting and feast

"Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your kingdom. I will reduce, so He can increase."

This is the basic premise of Jen Hatmaker's book Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. Hatmaker, her family, and "The Council", a group of close friends and advisors, embarked on a seven-month experiment against waste in their households.  Hatmaker chose seven areas in which to reduce:  food, clothes, possessions, media, waste, spending, and stress.  

Hatmaker writes journal-style about her real struggles and successes giving up what we would consider common American comforts while working through her desire to follow Christ's teachings about possessions. For example, during the food month she and her family chose seven foods to eat.  That's it: chicken, eggs, whole-wheat bread, sweet potatoes, spinach, avocados, and apples. During the clothing month she chose and wore only seven articles of clothing.  She gave away much of what remained in her closet.  The possessions month went the same way: she gave away seven items she owned each day. 

The media month shut down seven screens including TV, gaming, Facebook, Twitter, and radio with very limited access to cell phones for emergencies and only Internet use necessary for jobs/schoolwork. They learned to recycle, compost, and garden during waste month. They drove only one car and bought only local or thrifted goods.  Spending month had them funnel their money to only seven vendors like a gas station, farmer's market, online bill pay and Target (because DUH).  During stress month they kept a family sabbath and followed Seven Sacred Pauses by Macrina Wiederkehr, pausing to pray seven times a day.  

Take a moment to absorb all that. And this was all just to see what would happen to her heart, her family, and her close friends by living with less. This was not for a reality TV show, folks.   

Hatmaker asserts that the American Christian church is very good at preparing the feast: words, prayers, programs, sermons, Bible classes, seminars.  And she is thankful for such things, as they bring many closer to God and share Jesus' message of everlasting love and redemption.  But she worries that the partner to the feast, the fast, is not as equally represented.  Throughout the Bible many of our heroes, like Esther, David, John the Baptist, and Jesus, fasted to gain clarity and understand the plight of the poor.  The early church, followers of The Way, sold their possessions and lived communally.  They practiced radical generosity.  How would one of those followers, if she stumbled into 2013 America, reconcile Jesus' New Testament message with our actual lifestyle?

"If we ignored the current framework of the church and instead opened the Bible for a definition, we find Christ followers adopting the fast simultaneously with the feast. We don't see the New Testament church hoarding the feast, gorging, getting fatter and fatter and asking for more; more Bible studies, more sermons, more programs, classes, training, conferences, information, more feasting for us. At some point the church stopped living the Bible and decided just to study it, culling the feast parts and whitewashing the fast parts. We are addicted to the buffet, skillfully disregarding the costly discipleship after consuming.  The feast is supposed to sustain the fast, but we go back for seconds and thirds and fourths, stuffed to the brim and fat with inactivity."

She quotes Gandhi as saying, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."  Ouch.  Hatmaker keeps going: "Would Jesus overindulge on garbage food while climbing out of a debt hole from buying things He couldn't afford to keep up with neighbors He couldn't impress? In so many ways I am the opposite of Jesus' lifestyle. This keeps me up at night. I can't have authentic communion with Him while mired in the trappings He begged me to avoid."

Preach it, girl. 

I suppose I was mentally ready to take on this book as I begin to prepare myself for the new baby.  It's nesting time, and I want to get rid of anything unnecessary to make way for the new stuff I'll need.  A large part of this preparation will be about "stuff", but it will also be about my heart and mind.  And who else out there couldn't use a little spiritual reorganization?  I  highly recommend this book.  It's funny, an easy read, and deeply meaningful.