Fifty shades of brave

As I've blogged about before, the MOPS theme this year is "Be you, Bravely. 

In preparation for our first Neoga MOPS meeting this Thursday, I asked my leadership team to tell me the bravest thing they've ever done.  Tough question, I know, because there are so many shades of bravery.

Brave is defined as, "ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage."  What I find most compelling about this definition is that bravery is just the willingness to face the fear, it has nothing to do with the outcome or follow through.  It's what Glennon Melton from Momastery.com calls "showing up". 

Bravery might be showing up every day to a job you dislike because you need the income. Bravery doesn't make you like the job any more; bravery gives you the wherewithal to do what needs to be done.

Brave is hearing the word cancer for the second time and still showing up for your treatments, even though you know exactly what you're in for.  

Brave is holding your child's hand through that scary doctor's appointment he is dreading, even though you're dreading it, too.

Brave is hopping in the car with the kids and setting off for a secret adventure.  

Brave is reading out loud to your kids even though you aren't a strong reader and you are afraid you'll mess up. 

Brave is dropping your child off at a babysitter's house for the first time so you can have some space to work on yourself or your marriage. 

Any of these scenarios could end in hurt, heartache, loss, disappointment, or vulnerability. But the brave among us are willing to take a risk for even the slight hope that something awesome might happen. 

Brave is not reserved just for the biggest and strongest.  Someone climbing a mountain is no more brave than someone initiating a difficult conversation with their elderly parent.

There are so many more than 50 shades of brave.  And maybe if we began to recognize those shades in our lives and the lives of others we might be more compassionate towards people different from ourselves.  Like that mom at school pick up that's still in her pjs.  Or the guy at work that keeps to himself.  Or the neighbor with an opposing candidate's yard sign on his lawn.  

What is the bravest thing you've ever done?

What's the bravest thing you've done today?  

Today

Today I am...

Praying: for a couple at our church involved in a serious car accident this week.

For a end to violence around the world, especially violence done in the name of God. 

For my girls to learn how to forgive and extend grace to those who have hurt them. 

Looking forward to: A trip to Michigan in a few weeks!

Reading: Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist 

Preparing: for my MOPS leadership team meeting this week.

Watching: Harper walk around the coffee table.

Eating/drinking: cold coffee.  

Wishing: I could think of something to do with the girls on this beautiful fall day.

Enjoying: watching the change of the seasons in our new home.  

Listening to: Maddie and Ava playing American Girl dolls.

Blessed by: the excitement and enthusiasm of the women who attended the Neoga MOPS info meeting on Thursday night.

Thankful for: a husband who was just as excited as his girls to attend the Daddy-Daughter Dance last evening.

Waiting for: my Noonday Collection items to arrive!  

Thinking about: how to improve the chore situation in my house.  

Avoiding: cleaning bathrooms.

Cooking: homemade {healthy} pop tarts 

Finishing: decorating the house for fall.

Starting: thinking about Harper's first Halloween costume.

Wanting: More coffee. And a pair of these.

Reviewing: the Be You Bravely theme videos...making big plans for this year's meetings!

Ask a pastor 's wife: My answers

Here was the one and only question I received from last week's blog post:

"I'm sure you were proud and excited when your husband stepped up and...realized it was his calling and decided to be a full time pastor how did it make you feel? What were the initial thoughts versus current?

The children are probably too young but did the girls have any thoughts or questions about it? Do u you think their opinions will change when they are teenagers?"

-from Exception2theRule

I love this question.  It's funny, my opinions on how I feel about my husband being a minister are rarely solicited. 

Had you told me over twelve years ago that the man I married at age 21 would not have a career in politics/public service/public policy like he was persuing at Albion and beyond, I would have called you a liar.  But politics and ministry share a remarkably and disturbingly similar skill set.

When Todd decided to persue the ministry full time, I was not shocked.  The United Methodist Church had been a formative influence in his life, and I figured he would serve in a lay capacity at some point in his life, just like his father (hi, Opa!). It wasn't too big of a stretch to see him as a pastor.

But at the time we were discussing his future plans for ministry, I probably would have agreed to literally ANYTHING that made him happy, or at least less unhappy. He had been unemployed for nearly two years.  I was working full time to support my family on a Catholic school teacher's salary. I had been watching him try, and fail, to get a job, any job, for most of that time.  He was miserable and lost.  I was stressed and overextended.  But we both had such a peace about this career path, it was clear we were making the right decision.  We knew it wouldn't be easy, that finances would remain tight, that sometimes the only interaction we'd have in a 24 hour period would be a high five in the driveway on my way home from work and on his way out to class. We had no way of knowing that he'd be appointed as a pastor and I'd leave my job (and my support system in MI) to be the at-home parent, something I'd always desired, halfway through seminary.  But that's another story.  

My current feelings are mostly pride at what Todd has managed to accomplish in the last 4 years and gratitude that I've been able to be a part of it.  I also know that it was not just Todd that was called into ministry, but the children and I as well.  I hope that I support him well, serve others by using my God-given gifts, and raise my family the best I can.  

Which brings me to the second part of the question.  The girls were young when Todd entered seminary and ministry.  Maddie remembers her daddy doing jobs other than being a pastor, but Ava and Harper will have no memory of Todd other than being a seminary student and pastor. 

But it isn't always easy to be a PK (Pastor's Kid).  Sometimes people place unrealistic expectations on PK's behavior (and mom and dad's parenting abilities!). Todd and I have gathered a little group of ministry families around us, so that the girls can have friends like themselves.  We are active in the UMC connection and are always meeting new people.  But we are a normal family.  We love hard, we fight hard, we play hard, we fail hard, but we emphasize forgiveness and new starts, just like Jesus would want.  

As we approach the teenage years, we expect some measure of rebellion like every other parent.  But our focus will be on our kids' hearts and minds, not hair color, clothing choices, or other means of self-expression and identity.

One of Todd's seminary friends recently told a story that stuck with and inspired  me. She retold that she had dyed her hair for the first time, a lovely shade of blue.  One of the older ladies at her church was shocked and asked her mother, the pastor, what she was going to do about it.  Her mother asked, "Was my daughter rude or disrespectful to you?"  The older woman replied that she was not.  So the wise pastor said, "Then we don't have a problem here.  Her appearance is not her behavior."  

Todd and I know that our kids will make mistakes.  Unfortunately for them, their failures may be more public than those of their friends.  We always hope they make good choices, but we know they will occasionally fall short.  We try not to "sweat the small stuff".  We are most focused on creating kind, compassionate, justice-seeking, hard-working, service-focused women.  What they wear and the color of their hair, while important, is not more important to us than having a heart for Jesus. 

The hardest part of ministry so far for them has been itinerancy.  Our last appointment lasted two years.  Our current appointment will likely last between 4-8.  No one knows for sure. Leaving homes, schools, friends, and familiarity behind is hard for everyone.  It never gets easier.  We've been warmly welcomed wherever we've been, but it always takes awhile to feel like home. 

Will they grow up resenting the church?  Maybe.  But I am OK with that as long as they still love, serve, and seek Jesus.  And if they reject church altogether?  Well, we all have seasons of our faith, don't we?  God's love for us is wide, Jesus' reach is far, and the Spirt is ever present.  They will always be able to come home.  

So, I hope that answered your question, Exception2theRule! 

Coming soon to the blog: a new look and layout, and maybe even a new name.  Keep following!

Ask a pastor ' s wife

One of the benefits of being the wife of an itinerant United Methodist pastor is getting to meet new people everywhere I go.  Seriously, everywhere.  Grocery stores, outlet malls, coffee shops...my husband and I strike up conversations, or respond to others' questions, almost anywhere. It's so humbling to be an ambassador for Christ and his church.

So, here's your chance.  Any burning questions you want to ask a pastor's wife?  I'm not shy (you probably already knew that) but keep'em clean and appropriate, of course.  

Post your questions in the comments.  I'll respond to them next week in my blog post.  

Gandhi was right.

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

I hate that I need this book in my life. But I love that I found it.  

Jen Hatmaker is one of my favorite authors.  I follow and share her blog posts regularly.  She is relatable and funny and cute and convicting.  She's the kind of gal I could have over for coffee and chat with for hours.  If she weren't all the way in Texas, that is.  

Jen is an accomplished writer, speaker, and mother of 5.  Together with her pastor husband, Brandon, they started Austin New Church in Austin, Texas.  Interrupted follows Jen and Brandon as they go through the process of leaving a lucrative position at another church in Austin to tread the uncertain path of planting a new church with very little direction other than the following verses from the Bible: Matthew 25 and Isaiah 58.  

Go ahead, look them up.  Start with Matthew 25:34:40.  Then read Isaiah 58:6-9.  I use The Message translation quite often, but you know what?  No real need to clarify Greek or Latin word roots here, friends.  In any translation the meaning is clear: Care for each other as you would care for yourself.  Give special attention to the least among you.  It's pretty much all Jesus ever talked about.  

But is your church doing that?  Do you feel it at Sunday morning worship?  In your weekly Bible study?  In your private prayers?  Are you truly serving the needy, or serving the already saved?  

Yes, our churches do good in our communities.  No doubt, no argument. We might even baptize new members from time to time or welcome visitors.  But in a postmodern world where more and more people grew up unchurched or are suspicious of organized religion, I  don't think our church model is winning hearts and minds for Christ like we think we are.  

And I think it all goes back to Gandhi's quote: "Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Because, friends, we are not living the mission Christ set out for us.  We all too often stay in our little bubbles, among people just like us, watching the suffering around us and feeling overwhelmed into inaction. We put all our hope in our Sunday worship service (or Bible study, or women's group, or prayer team meeting...) to fill us up, but it doesn't. And it won't, until the served start serving others.

I know this because I live this. And it's time for a change.  The people who truly need us and our church? They may never walk through our doors.  We need to go to them.

Jen Hatmaker writes in Intertupted, "Love has won infinitely more converts than theology...your pastor or your church can never reach your coworker like you can.  They do not have the sway over your neighbor who has been entrusted to you.  No one better than you can love your wayward brother.  One decent sermon cannot influence a disoriented person in the same way your consistent presence in her life can."

But how do we do this?  Hatmaker has years of experience to share:

"We can continue to invite unbelievers to church, but we must first invite them into our lives.  Have them over, go to dinner, welcome them in. Create a safe place for them to belong without agenda; they needn't worry about following our Christian rules yet (or pretending in front of us).  We must become their advocates, embracing them as dear friends so they might one day feel comfortable belonging with us.  This is not a strategy for rapid church growth, but the patient hard work of love is the way of Christ.  It is the subversive path into the kingdom." 

And it's exactly what Jesus did.  He ate with tax collectors and prostitutes.  He hung out with smelly fishermen.  He became their friend first.  

Can we Christians be more like Christ?  Let's prove Gandhi wrong.  

This book is especially convicting for me because of our family ministry.  I'm happy to try to be an example for the members of my congregation and community.  And I'd love to sit down with anyone who will listen and talk about this book.   I'm even willing to spot you the book.  

It's my first giveaway! I'm giving away a copy of the newly revised and expanded Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker. To enter, comment below (not on Facebook, please comment directly on the blog).  Tell me about the best thing your church does to reach out to your community, not just your members.  Or tell me about something you do personally to reach out to people outside your church.  I'll randomly choose a winner from the posted comments on Wednesday, August 20.  

Good luck, and happy commenting!